First: make it all about you.

By Cosmin Angheluta

Resilient people are one of a kind. When someone bites them, they grow incredibly tall just to prove them wrong and bite them back. And even if sometimes they seem full of problems and weak points, they know how to reshape their beliefs to turn back on the top.

I have always admired the strength of resilient people and wished to understand their mindset and unfold it. So I started questioning the most resilient people I know to extract their top 3 secrets and become resilient myself.

Here is what they told me.

The first secret: make it all about you.

The most powerful skill of resilient people is to make anything float in their direction. So if you want to become more resilient, convince yourself that what happens in your life depends on you.

This idea works because you give yourself the power to act. So if anything goes wrong, you don’t blame external forces like fate or luck. Instead, you force yourself into finding creative solutions to the problem until you solve it.

However, making it all about you has its downside, and you need to understand when to give up. Many things in life don’t depend on our forces, like relationships or casual events. And if you don’t recognize them, you could lose a lot of time. You will fight a war against things you cannot change.

How to do it.

Every time something in your life doesn’t satisfy you, ask yourself if it depends on your behavior. Could you ever change that? And how?

If you can change it, build a habit towards that change. Make a list of actions that could bring you to your goal. Start small, build a solid base, and then grow over time.

But if you can’t change it, learn to deal with it and leave it that way. Sometimes things are just not all about you.

The second secret: prove others wrong as a life goal.

Another secret of resilient people is that they always want to prove you wrong if you spot their imperfections.

Have you always tried to say to a resilient person that they are wrong? You have to be careful, or you could trigger some unexpected behavior.

Resilient people love to be perfectionists. They are the two faces of the same coin. So every time someone tells them their beliefs are wrong, they will challenge that thought and try to fight it with all their strength.

Sometimes, resilient people change a lot because of people criticizing them. And this is one of their strengths because they can improve themself at a higher phase compared to others.

However, some of them take this challenge personally, and they want to prove others wrong even if they are not. So be careful even in this case, or you could fight with people over silly and nonexistent problems.

How to do it.

Every time someone points out behaviors they dislike about you, don’t get defensive. Build a habit of investigating to understand why they feel threatened by your actions. And then, once you understand their point of view, analyze your conduct to spot incongruences or weak points.

However, make sure you don’t read too much into it. Most of the time, people will just not like you. So it doesn’t matter how much you change and prove them wrong they will not be satisfied. In those cases, it is only a waste of time, and you should move on.

The third secret — embrace problems and difficulties.

The last trait of resilient people is that they embrace problems and difficulties with more enthusiasm than others.

If you ever noticed, they are the most optimistic people in the room. And whatever the problem, they always suggest ways of dealing with it and solving it.

This problem-solving mindset, and a great sense of consistency, is the main strength of resiliency. These people are not only searching for solutions: they are solving things constantly. And they develop a strong sense of satisfaction from solving them.

So even in this case, this trait can become dangerous if wrongly used because you will tend to see problems where anybody else sees nothing.

How to do it.

If you want to become more positive and resilient, don’t think about problems too much, but prioritize solutions instead. It is always better to have a couple of wrong answers instead of an impossible question. So learn to give yourself multiple answers every time a problem comes up. This way, the probability of finding a solution becomes higher, and you also gain a perspective on what could have never worked.

Final thoughts

I have always loved resilient people. They are fascinating to me, and every time I meet one, I am so delighted to talk to them.

Resilient people have higher knowledge about their behavior because they never leave a problem in their lives unsolved.

They are perfectionists. They are optimists. And they love to talk to people and help them. And for this reason, I have always wanted to know their secrets and become resilient myself.

So I have tried to make things more about myself, prove others wrong, and embrace problems instead of running away from them. And I have to say that it is working. Once I put my mind on something, there is no way anybody can stop me right now.

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